Music As Medicine - A Chapter Excerpt From My New Ebook Remember
“Music speaks to the soul, Liberates the heart, And expands the mind… Beyond ego, Beyond what separates us And beyond what limits or stifles us. Music brings us home, within ourselves.” - Sara Murray, 2024
The following article is an excerpt from my new book “Remember: One Girl’s Journey Through Death, Rebirth and Spiritual Awakening” that was released last week. The chapter is called “Music As Medicine,” and it shares a lot about my love for music over the years, how sacred various music artists have been to me throughout my life, and how much music in general has impacted me, helped me heal and assisted in my spiritual awakening over the years.
I talk about artists like Ab-Soul, Mac Miller and Kendrick Lamar and how their music catalyzed my spiritual awakening, and I share about this past Spring of 2026, and how music quite literally saved my life and got me through one of the darkest times of my entire life. Music is and always has been very special to me because of its way to speak directly to my soul, help me remember who the fuck I am, and why I came to Earth in the first place. I’m dramatic, I know, but its true - music is very sacred to me, and if you keep reading you’ll find out why.
I hope you enjoy! And if you’d like to read the full ebook, Remember is available for digital download NOW!
This eBook is a downloadable PDF file that you may keep forever upon purchasing. Once you purchase, a window will pop up with a link to download, and once you receive your confirmation email the PDF will be attached as well - I recommend downloading the document immediately because the download link expires after 24 hours.
* When checking out - YOU NEED TO CHECK THE BOX saying you agree to receive emails, otherwise the document must be downloaded on the confirmation screen after check out, and WILL NOT be emailed to you. Please reach out to me if you do not receive the download link or do not receive an email.
Remember - One Girl’s Journey Through Death, Rebirth and Spiritual Awakening is a combination personal memoir and spiritual awakening survival guide... packed full of spiritual teachings, “you can’t make this shit up” moments, crazy life stories and amazing tales of overcoming difficult odds, Remember is sure to inspire you to reconnect with your soul, peer behind the veil and discover the universal wisdom that has been forgotten by humanity for generations.
Sara’s digital ebook details her challenging childhood, the many life lessons of her formative years, and the spontaneous near death experience motorcycle crash that began her spiritual awakening, all guiding her on a sacred journey of Remembering why she incarnated on planet Earth at this time, and igniting her passion for truth seeking, esoterica and storytelling. This Newar Death Experience took the life of her boyfriend, Sam, and left her with severe burns all over her body. Her life would never be normal again… but then again, was it ever?
Available for digital download now!
The PDF is 265 pages, with a table of contents to help navigate the document.
If needed, please feel free to reach out to me with any questions or concerns. I can always email you the PDF directly if you are having trouble with the link.
Much Love & Namaste,
Sara Murray
** Refunds on your purchase will only be honored after 24 hours if you reach out to me directly. After 24 hours, refunds will not be honored.
** The information in this document is for entertainment and educational purposes only. It is not intended to fix, heal or relieve any problems or ailments, and is not meant to replace medical or professional advice. Take what resonates, and leave the rest alone. This information is intended to uplift, inspire and encourage love in all beings. It is not intended to offend any being, from any walk of life, encouraging connection and acceptance of all. Sara Murray’s services are not a fix all heal all service and are intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. Ancient Esoterica is the intellectual property of Sara Murray and may not be reproduced. Some names, identifying details and stories have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals. These stories shared are for entertainment purposes. Take what resonates, and leave the rest alone. This book contains some graphic images; view discretion is advised. Warning statements are always placed on the page before graphic images. Proceed with caution.
Chapter 11: Music As Medicine
Music has proven to be one of the most influential things across my life's journey, introducing me to many key personal truths that expanded my consciousness and helped me reconnect with my soul. It is a form of expression that allows artists to express the truths of their soul and their reality. These soulful truths and deep feelings expressed in the music I've listened to over the years has helped me get in touch with my own inner world, the energy of my soul and what I'm here to do, and additionally music has helped me process deep feelings and make sense of what is happening around me in the world. Since I came home from the hospital, music served a greater purpose for me and my awakening than I can even describe in words.
I had a lot of mystical experiences with music in the initial years after my accident – I would be thinking about Sam and one of his favorite songs would come on, I would get in the car and the song on the radio was speaking EXACTLY to my present situation, much like that scene in the movie “Baseketball” (created by Matt Stone and Trey Parker of South Park) when the song on the radio is speaking to the main character’s inner turmoil, telling him to watch out ahead there’s a truck changing lanes, and all that silly stuff. Seriously though, I couldn’t make these coincidences up if I tried, including the following one –
One night in November 2018, when I was up watching music videos and organizing my room, the song “Cartoons and Cereal” by Kendrick Lamar randomly came on my tv at 3:33 in the morning. I hadn’t heard that song since Sam was alive and he had only shown it to me a few times, so I was a bit bamboozled and shocked that it just appeared to me, especially at 3:33 on the dot. My gut told me to sit down, watch the music video and pay attention, much like when I was told to pay attention to my surroundings right before my accident happened, so I stopped what I was doing and watched as closely as I could.
The video I was watching was a fan-made video, as Cartoons and Cereal was never actually released officially because it was leaked online. Something stood out to me in this video - the line that said “I woke up in the morning, seen you on the news.” This stood out to me because at this point in the music video a picture of Tupac Shakur on the news comes up, which made me think, “is he referring to when he found out Tupac died?” I continued to watch but was mainly just interested in the chorus which contained this part. The next day at work I decided to do some research about the connection between Kendrick and Tupac, because I knew Tupac died when Kendrick was young but never knew how much Kendrick looked up to him. This is when my life really changed forever, yet again. This really started my “oof notebooks” and the practice of writing down my “oofs”, or synchronicities – something that became deeply sacred and carried me through my awakening journey to the present day.
That next day at work, I was researching the song Cartoons and Cereal, analyzing it line by line. I went down the rabbit hole you could say, and started coming across many reddit posts about hidden meanings behind music, especially Kendrick Lamar’s music and other artists I was really into at that time such as J. Cole, Ab Soul and more. I was writing all these notes down on a random note pad at my desk, and that’s when I got the idea to get my own notebooks and start really diving into research. This quest for knowledge, connecting the dots and looking beyond the surface level ignited a passion within me that truly was unlike anything I had experienced before. After work that day, I went out and got my first “oof notebook” – a tiny red spiral bound notebook from the dollar store.
I’ve often said to people, if my house was burning down and I only had time to grab a few things, my kitties and the box with all my oof notebooks in it would be the only things I would grab. Period. That’s how sacred these notebooks are to me. Ever since buying that first one in November 2018, I have kept a detailed record of all “oofs” or synchronistic experiences, in addition to all of my research, questioning reality, journaling about life, my “downloads” and channeling sessions, personal tarot readings, my astrology birth chart, and other spiritual contemplations. Whenever I look back at these notebooks, I can see the synchronistic unfolding of my expanding consciousness, and how one “oof” would lead me to another and another, with concepts building off each other and channeled downloads about reality and the systems in place on Earth coming through at exactly the right time. It was a profound series of experiences that laid the foundation for the new life I was stepping into.
✽✽✽
Kendrick Lamar, Mac Miller & “conspiracy theories?”
Since Mac Miller’s passing in September (of 2018, I mention why this is significant in chapter 10 of the ebook), it felt like my life was on an upward trajectory into the mysteries, perplexities and magic that had been hidden behind the veil of reality for generations. I could not deny, or stop this natural inclination towards that which is deemed occult, mysterious or inexplicable to logic, even though at times it caused me distress and fear.
I did not understand why I was so different, why I couldn’t just fit into a mainstream, “normal” life path like everyone else around me – a theme that is very much present throughout this entire book. At the root of these fears, was a deep desire to be within a community, and an unsettling fear of being alone in this world. The more I have dove into past life therapies in my spiritual practice, the more I have seen that these desires and fears have followed me through lifetimes, and are a symptom of the last 12,000 years of Earth life and the karma that ensues from lifetime to lifetime.
What really started my spiritual journey was music and my natural ability to see beyond the physicality of things, never taking anything at face value. I have always been able to “see the soul” or spiritual essence beneath all things, although I did not have the terminology for these things until much later in my journey. As I would listen to music from certain artists, I could feel the soulful frequencies flowing through it, and almost like I was being divinely guided I would be able to see the true meaning underlying all the words, 808s and frequencies of a song.
Music is very symbolic, and I was able to pick up on the symbols and themes these artists were conveying through their words and frequencies. Much like following intuitive breadcrumbs, I was guided into understanding deep spiritual truths and occult concepts that built off each other and connected the dots, revealing what is really going on in this reality and our true potential as humans on planet Earth.
I was learning that the world isn’t as “perfect” or put together as it appears on tv – yes there are a lot of imperfections displayed through tv and mainstream media, but for the most part the reality that is conveyed is that we are the most advanced we have ever been in human society, that science has explanations for the majority of life and if you follow the status quo, and never question things, you’ll be good in the end. I was really seeing beyond these illusions, seeing that beyond these mainstream lifestyles everyone was really miserable, spiritually disconnected and confused. We act like we love our lives, our jobs and lifestyles, but beneath the act we feel empty and unfulfilled. We are convinced there’s nothing we can do and that this is the way life is, but it’s all lacking true fulfillment and purpose, and in truth there is so much more to life than we’ve been told.
Listening to albums like Kendrick Lamar’s DAMN, To Pimp a Butterfly, Good Kid Maad City, Overly Dedicated… basically any Kendrick album, and decoding the meaning behind his lyrics and stories changed my life. In the first pages of my very first “oof notebook,” I was seeing the meaning behind the music I was listening to, recognizing powerful truths laced between stanzas of slang and emotionally charged personal stories. I became interested in the 27 club, especially after discovering that Mac Miller predicted his own death in his song “Brand Name” …
The lines…
“To everyone to sell me drugs, Don't mix it with that bullshit I’m hopin' not to join the twenty seven club, Just want the coke dealer house with the velvet rug…”
... eerily resemble the circumstances of his death – he died from coke laced with fentanyl and mixed with alcohol (don’t mix it with that bullshit)... he died just months before his 27th birthday (hoping not to join the 27 club)... the drug that caused his death was coke, and he was found kneeling in a praying position in his home (coke dealer house with the velvet rug).
There is also some potent truth to the lyrics of the chorus, revealing that everything we THINK we love is nothing but a hollow, soulless representation of a corporate brand… that humanity has disconnected itself from true value and true worth, not being able to recognize value in handmade items anymore, being driven by corporate greed which slaps a brand name on everything to make the price skyrocket…
“Everything we think we love... It ain't nothing but a brand name
To everyone but us... It ain't nothing but a brand name, nothing but a brand name
Ask her what she wearing, say it's nothing but a brand name
Baby, this right here is hand made.”
Many people have said to me over the years that music is meaningless, just made by a bunch of idiots who can’t get a “real job”... but is that really the case? Or do people just not want to question things, think too deeply or look at the truth of reality? I’ve had friends tell me Mac Miller was nothing more than a druggie alcoholic rapper, but from what I’ve seen through analyzing the lyrics of his songs and the frequency emitted in his instrumentals and lyricism, that was just an opinion, a facade that mainstream media portrayed of this deeply spiritual mystic we knew as “Mac.”
There is so much more to our artists, creatives and performers, if we choose to peer beyond the veil and seek meaning in things. Everything is meaningless, if you choose to paint reality that way. However, everything surrounding us, presenting itself to us and moving through us can have meaning, if we allow it to. And the more I allowed myself to see the meaning and value in everything that resonated with the core of my being, in everything in front of me, the more I was able to inevitably open up to the spiritual nature of all life, and the interconnected energy that runs through all things in the universe.
It was honestly through studying and seeking an understanding of the darkness within this world that I was able to eventually open up to the light, to study spirituality, connect with God / Spirit, and seek healing through the path of the light. During this pivotal, significant time of my life, I was pivoting away from what was being presented to me as “normal” and stepping into the unknown, seeing where the journey took me. I was excited to be alive again, as there was so much to know, so much to learn and study.
The more I followed the intuitive nudges within me and questioned what was in front of me, the more the truth opened itself up to me, and high vibrational, purposeful energy flowed through me. Although I did not understand it, I could see that this new exciting energy I was bringing to every situation before me was amplifying my being, healing the restless agitation within me, and made me want to be alive, to see what life had in store for me. As I began my spiritual studies of music, I was guided to a series of threads and reddit posts that revealed the dark underbelly being masked by Hollywood and the media that comes out of it. I was discovering the tentacles of “the devil,” or the negative force that has held influence over humanity for the last 10,000+ years.
This reddit post I found was talking about how many artists have been exposing this force of corruption and evil through the lyrics of many songs I fell in love with - honestly, I fell in love with anything that resonated with truth and shattered illusion, and this is what began my transformational journey of true spiritual awakening. I was recognizing there was a reason I was so drawn to these things that were labeled as “different, weird or strange” to mainstream standards.
There was a deeply spiritual reason why I was the way I was, why I was so sensitive, why I loved all things occult - because I had come back to the Earth plane for a reason, I have a mission and purpose on this planet, and I was discovering this piece by piece.
What really started my fascination in “conspiracy theories” and seeking truth was a Shane Dawson YouTube video about conspiracy theories that I randomly found one night while hanging out with my cousin. She asked me if I had seen the video since she knew I was getting into this stuff, and she put it on after I said I hadn’t watched Shane Dawson since I was a young kid. We put the video on, and I quickly became obsessed with conspiracy theories and looking more into these crazy concepts.
I was so grateful she showed me this video - I feel like it was the right information that found me at the right time, and since I had watched a lot of Shane Dawson when I was younger, I had developed trust with this YouTuber, which helped me open my mind, expand my consciousness and really tune into the information being presented. When we cultivate familiarity with a content creator, it makes their content more digestible compared to watching a video from a random person you’ve never watched before. Every creator has a frequency, and when we are familiar with a frequency we are able to attune more deeply to the content they are presenting.
If I had watched some random conspiracy theory video from a random person, I may not have paid as much attention and it wouldn’t have impacted me as much. Shane Dawson had a huge impact on my childhood, and because of this I was more open to receiving the information he was presenting in the video, which sent me off down a pursuit to understand the truth I so desperately desired to discover.
✽✽✽
Overall, music played an important role throughout my entire spiritual awakening journey. Hearing the right songs at the right time always had a synchronistic undercurrent for me, invoking such strong, personal emotions and different ways of looking at the world. Although my music taste has changed over the years, a key undercurrent has been present for me these last 7 years – music can be a potent and sacred medicine that reconnects us with our soul, helps us understand our emotions and navigate the varying seasons of our life.
In the present moment as I’m writing this, I listen to such a wide variety of music artists – from The Beatles, to Mac Miller, to Qveen Herby, to Alice in Chains, to anything Chris Cornell has written, to Misk’i Takiy and other sacred medicine music, I can not pin down my music preferences to anything other than that which feels good and most resonates with me in any given moment. Some days I need high vibrational spiritual music mixed with Ayahuasca icaros, mantras and wise words… other days I need to be in grunge vibes and listen to Nutshell or Don’t Follow by Alice in Chains, and most days I love to put on Qveen Herby to get into the zone when I’m doing my work. George Harrison stole my heart this past year when I discovered how deeply spiritual and relatable his music can be for those navigating the human experience as a spiritual being in a material world, and the harmonies of The Beatles as a group bring me to tears and open my heart beyond measure. Music truly speaks to the soul, and can guide the seasons of our lives as our consciousness rises and falls.
Artists like Ab-Soul, Kendrick Lamar, Nas, Tupac, Mac Miller and the Pro Era collective played a valuable role in the beginning of my awakening, especially in this era of 2018-2019 I have been talking about. The lyrics in their songs were expanding my consciousness in so many ways, in addition to connecting me with what I consider my authentic soul essence and who I am at my core. Plus the beats and instrumentals were so artistically crafted and well made, in my opinion. I owe the 1st year of my awakening to these artists, they literally changed my life and expanded me in so many ways.
Section 80, Overly Dedicated, Control System, DAMN… Divine Feminine, GO:OD AM, Illmatic... All Amerikkkan Bada$$, Watching Movies with the Sound Off, Vacation In Hell, Escape From New York, On and On and Beyond… the list goes on, but my appreciation of these albums and artists just culminates the more I reflect on the power these projects hold within them.
The energy the artists channeled into these pieces of art continue to expand my mind, speak to my soul, and never stop feeling good in my heart. At times, it felt like many of my favorite songs were speaking directly to me, like the artist knew exactly what I was going through. Songs like Another Night, Pineal Gland, FEAR, Objects in the Mirror, Str8 Ballin, and ADHD all felt like a direct channel streaming through my soul and out into the real world. I’ve always believed in the power of hearing the right words at the right time, and have seen this power at work in my own life through the way certain songs and lyrics made me feel in the moment.
Sam introduced me to most of this music the summer before our accident. He had a kick ass playlist full of such a variety of music, much of which I considered “stoner rap.” He introduced me to Mac Miller, Joey Bada$$, Biggie Smalls, Kanye, Kid Cudi, and a lot of old Kendrick songs. I had listened to a lot of Kendrick during my Salem State days, with his album good kid, m.A.A.d city narrating our smoke cruises throughout 2015 and 2016, but Sam introduced me to OG Kendrick... songs I had never heard before like Average Joe, King Kunta, Rigamortus and Illuminate.
Mac Miller is the artist I am most grateful for that Sam introduced me to, because I hadn’t listened to him much before meeting Sam, and he is the single most impactful artist I’ve connected to in my life, in addition to Kendrick Lamar. Kendrick opened my mind, taught me to look deeper than the surface level, and began my awakening, along with Mac Miller… but Mac opened my heart, and is someone I feel very spiritually connected to, still to this day. I still cry every time I hear certain songs, and as you’ve read so far in this book, he has served a valuable purpose in my life and spiritual journey.
Throughout the end of 2018 and into 2019, I spent a lot of time in my car. In fact, I put over 20,000 miles on it the first year I had it… between my side jobs, driving to the South Shore to see friends, and cruising around the North Shore all night, my 2008 Nissan Altima served me well, acting as my home base, a vessel of opportunity, and the golden ticket to my expanding awareness. Late night cruises gave me soulful solitude, awakened my authenticity and helped me start to heal my wounded heart, serving as the avenue for coming home to myself and transcending the painful, limiting realities that surrounded me at that time. Much of my expansion and the synchronicities that accompanied my awakening journey happened on these cruises, and acted as arenas for the integration of the powerful truths I was tuning into in my nightly studies and research.
✽✽✽
Ab-Soul
One of the artists who served an important role for me during this time was Ab-Soul... one of the early members of Top Dawg Entertainment, he offers some of the most deep, introspective, vulnerable and soulful rap songs I've heard to this day. Track Two, Terrorist Threats, and Pineal Gland… Mixed Emotions, Illuminate, and Book of Soul… the talented, vulnerable and truthful lyrics that Ab-Soul skillfully delivers over feel good beats had such a catalyzing effect on my expanding consciousness, especially throughout 2019. So many of these unique songs and frequencies were speaking directly to my spirit, bringing these deeper aspects of myself forward and connecting me with the truth in the center of my being, helping me remember who the heck I am in many ways.
"What's your life about, enlighten me? Is you gonna live on your knees or die on your feet?" - Track Two by Ab-Soul
I must say, I love people who aren't pretending to be someone they're not. People who are real and genuine, who stand in and speak their truth unapologetically and authentically, no matter what others say around them. I feel like Ab-Soul is one of these people – his vulnerable, soulful lyrics cut through the bullshit and speak right to the wounds that keep our hearts closed. He confirmed so much of what I was feeling and thinking about society, the systems that run the world, and life in general, in addition to making me feel less alone in the grief I still felt from losing Sam just a little over a year prior to this time period.
His song “Book of Soul” is one of the most resonant, vulnerable and personal songs I’ve found to this day, and it really helped me start to heal my heart back then. I will never, ever forget first time I listened to it… my friend Cubo had just introduced me to Ab-Soul, and as I was dropping him off he told me to listen to the song “Book of Soul,” saying it would really speak to me and what I’ve been through in regards to sudden loss and heartbreak.
Wow was he right… and I still remember how it felt when the tears welled in my eyes as Ab-Soul’s truthful words cut right to the core of my heart, exposing the wounds I had buried with weed and other distractions over the years. He starts with telling his life story, sharing the debilitating health issues he suffered in his childhood with a rare disease called Stevens-Johnson Syndrome, and how that affected him as he grew up. Then, he begins speaking on losing the love of his life suddenly, and how it affected him.
Here’s an excerpt, that still brings me to tears:
“Seven whole years, seven whole years
It was supposed to end with our grandkids
Luckily for me I'm used to being cut short
But I'm such a nice guy, why Lord?
Why Lord? Why'd you have to take her from me?
Guess He needed your angel face for all of heaven to see
Your picture still on my mirror and it's so scary
I swear I still ain't looked at your obituary
So now I'm so doped up I think I'm flying
I hope the spliff will never finish
I guess the Mayans wasn't lying
2012 my world ended
You used to say that I could see the future
You was wrong, cause you was in it
And I was just with you the day before
You said you loved me, I said I loved you more
And as much I wanna cower and bid the mic adieu
And fall off a fucking tower tryna find you
I gotta stay cuz I remember that day I looked you in the face and told you nothing can stop me
Not even you
Stick to the plan, I'll meet you at our spot
If reincarnation is true and we don't get too lost
Even if you forget me and everything you left behind
I never lied, I love you in a place where there's no space and time
I close my eyes and I can still hear you singing loud
We never got to tell them who The Love Religion was about
I ain't finna stage a cry in this rhyme
Signed
Sincerely yours.”
- Book of Soul, by Ab-Soul
Wow. Just wow... The power in these words, paired with the true, emotional depth and vulnerability of sharing his lived experiences continues to move me to this day. This emotional ballad is expressed from the depth of his soul, and is such a beautiful yet heavy story about navigating sudden loss, and how one deals with something we thought would last forever but was cut short. The horror of someone being there one day and then permanently gone the next day is a shock that few people experience at such a young age. The emptiness, lost promises and destroyed future possibilities are not easy to navigate. And this is why I share this special song... because I too have felt this level of pain and grief, both physically and emotionally, and I understand how much these kinds of life experiences can shake us to our core.
I mentioned how in the beginning of the song he mentions his battle with Stevens-Johnson Syndrome, which is a severe skin condition. This is another reason I appreciate and have so much respect for Ab-Soul, because I too have dealt with intense difficulties with my burned skin after my accident, and all the negative reactions that come with it.
The line…
“Skin disfigured from boils and blisters, unidentifiable by my little sister”
...resonated most of all, because my younger sisters had a hard time with my badly burned body when it initially happened. It took a while for one of my sisters to hug me, because she was so scared of my disfigured body. To have a musical artist speak so specifically to my personal experiences and ailments is something I have immense gratitude for, and is why I will always appreciate Ab-Soul. Not only did he resonate with some of my deepest wounds and challenges, but additionally he was a truth seeker and wasn’t afraid to speak up about consciousness and the corruption surrounding our current society, something I too am extremely passionate about.
My favorite album of Ab-Soul’s is called Control System. It was released in 2012, and has so much esoteric knowledge and truth laced throughout the lyrics. When I was in the initial stages of my awakening back in early 2019, I was obsessed with researching truth theories and understanding the layers beneath concepts that resonated with truth within my being – things like the alien presence on Earth, the corruption within government and the shadows that lurk beneath the surface of many illusions presented to us on a daily basis all fascinated me deeply.
One of my favorite lines from an Ab-Soul song is the following, from "Terrorist Threats" off the album Control System -
“Hey, Dear Barack, I know you’re just a puppet but I’m giving you props… You lying to the public like it ain’t nothing and I just love it I hope it don’t stop”
Unapologetically calling out the truth and corruption that lives in our current society is a noble task, one that many shy away from due to fear and external pressure to conform. But Ab-Soul speaks his truth, and doesn’t care if that pisses people off or makes them uncomfortable. Terrorist Threats is such a deep, mentally stimulating song, and the underlying instrumental is epic and vibey, really initiating us into his truth telling, mind expanding flow.
Here’s a few more of my favorite lines from the song:
“What the fuck am I doing talking about pineal glands, ancient ways of Sumerians… ain’t nothing wrong with a righteous man…”
“I ain’t got no gavel, I ain’t tryna fight nobody’s battle… I just wanna be free, I ain’t tryna be nobody’s chattel.”
“If all the gangs in the world unified we’d stand a chance against the military tonight”
- Terrorist threats, by Ab-Soul
So many rap artists speak the truth of their reality with such radical authenticity and emotion, it invokes similar feelings within ourselves. I believe music, especially music with a compelling message, has the power to expand our consciousness and connect us with our deeply rooted emotions, moving us in ways that are indescribable at times.
When I would listen to these artists and really tune into the energy being expressed in the lyrics and instrumentals, I would transcend the Earth plane at times and enter into a void-like realm where I felt free, seen, heard, and most of all… not alone. When certain lyrics would speak on exactly what I was going through in that moment, feelings of peace, joy and acceptance would wash over me, and I knew that everything was going to be okay, no matter how shitty or lost I was feeling.
So many moments - of heartbreak, feeling lost, scared, confused, engulfed in grief, anxiety, or the terror that is the human experience at times - were eased through tuning into these higher frequencies of truth and authenticity. I believe authenticity is the most powerful energy in our universe because it represents realness and honors whatever is present in the moment. When we are authentic, we are not hiding anything, trying to be someone we’re not, taking anything from others or trying to manipulate life. Authenticity breeds honesty, courage and willingness to stand out amongst a crowd. It invites in the strength to be ourselves and be a unique individual, no matter what is going on around us.
Hearing the right song at the right time invokes such strong, personal emotions, and is what leveled up my life many times. I don’t know how often I would find myself in the depths of some intense, heavy emotions, and then one of my favorite songs would come on and my entire state of being would shift. I would be able to smile and chuckle, when before I felt just hopelessness and emotional pain. And for that, I am so so grateful.
Much of the culture in these songs is what I call “stoner culture,” which is another reason I resonated with it so much back then. Smoking weed gave me such solace during this time period where I felt confused, alone and forgotten about by those who I cared about so much, and helped me feel a part of a sense of tribe that I lacked in most of my physical life at that time. I had friends around me, but felt alone in a crowded room a lot of the time because they didn’t understand the depth of the experiences I was going through. On the outside I looked happy a lot of the time, but I was really very hurt, alone and scared of life.
I did a lot for people during that time, becoming a self-sacrificing martyr who would do anything to make another person happy, often at the cost of my own happiness and wellbeing. So much of my life was living to please and help others, and I didn’t feel like I had many people who got me, understood me and truly saw me and the depth of my personal experiences. But music, especially from these special artists, gave me that sense of connection, helped me feel less alone and like I was a part of something in this world.
In addition, I loved my unique music taste so much that it helped me to rebuild myself and see myself as an interesting person again. For years I felt like nothing, like a nobody with no place in this world, like nobody would ever understand me or truly see me. When I listened to these songs that spoke to me and resonated with me on a soul level, I would get out of my head and come back into the full presence of my being, and I would feel like it was safe to be my true self. I’ve heard many others say that music helps them feel less alone and helps bring out their truest, best aspects of self, and this is exactly what it did for me, too.
I had been through some things that nobody I knew at the time could relate to. Being conscious in a coma, dealing with the loss of my boyfriend Sam, getting used to my newly disfigured, uncomfortable body, and navigating my intense spiritual awakening journey that few could understand around me.
As Mac Miller says in his collaborative song “2 Matches” with Ab-Soul…
“Man I’ve seen some shit, I swear to god, I’ve seen some motherfuckin shit…”
And that’s how I feel about my life… I’ve seen some fricken shit man, and that makes doing this Earth thing and navigating life extremely difficult at times. But, I wouldn’t have it any other way. If I could go back and change things, I wouldn’t, because my journey has been an ever unfolding, always expanding process that has opened my heart and mind 10 fold over the years.
Another line from the song 2 Matches that resonates with this idea -
“What’s a life if you never take a risk? Ain’t a place too far, ain’t a dream too big. Ain’t nothing wrong with a little bit of fun”
- 2 matches, by Mac Miller featuring Ab-Soul
In life, we have to take risks. We have to face challenges, difficulties and painful situations that strip us to our core but make us stronger and more authentic as a result. No dream, no place, no goal is too far or too big to accomplish if you see through the eyes of the soul. Sure our ego mind will come in and shatter our dreams, remind us that we aren’t capable of shit and that it would be safer to stay right where we are… but our soul sees beyond the limitations of the matrix and the comfort zone. The soul sees our infinite potential, and knows that anything is possible for us if we just move forward and try. This song has reminded me of this many, many times, especially when I felt like giving up or was faced with a crossroads of staying true to my heart or listening to the fears of my mind.
Another Ab-Soul song who’s lyrics had a great impact on me is the song Pineal Gland. Also off the album Control System, this song had such a significant impact on my spiritual awakening journey, mainly because he talks about being conscious in a coma and cosmic concepts I was into.
He says…
“Enjoy your mind trip but don’t trip on your mind, no man is safe from the war going on outside… you ever been conscious in a coma? Please don’t tell my mama this ain’t marijuana. I might be trippin off that DMT.”
Then he says later in the song…
“I made my dreams reality, so to speak, or so they say, I could still be asleep… The black sheep running with a pack of wolves, diamond in the rough tell Brock I need a pack of woods.”
- Pineal Gland, by Ab-Soul
Psychedelic and stoner culture are 2 things I resonate with greatly, especially while I was listening to this music, so hearing these ideas mentioned was liberating for my true self, and really made me feel less alone as I pursued these areas of life that felt good in my soul. I listened to these songs everyday throughout the year 2019, and I still listen to them from time to time when I need to reconnect with my roots and reclaim any lost soul aspects that have been covered by inauthenticity or conformity. It’s not easy to be different from your peers, and it’s definitely not easy to go right when everyone else is going left… but artists like Ab-Soul, Kendrick, Mac Miller and more have helped me reconnect with myself, and have made sure I never lose touch with my true self over the years.
Lines like “we’re in a space where matter don’t matter, just spirit molecules and geometric patterns,” followed by mentions of the Andromeda galaxy and the planet Saturn lit me up and brought a sense of excitement that someone was publicly talking about these esoteric concepts that I was fascinated in. When I was in my coma dreams and psychedelic states during my acid trips, I felt my consciousness shift to a place where “matter don’t matter,” where reality is more etheric in nature, and where I felt surrounded by geometric patterns. Such correlations to my own personal journey.
I’ll end off with mentioning one more powerful Ab-Soul lyric, that lands right at the end of the first song I mentioned, “Book of Soul” -
“Don’t be dethroned by these systems of control… just keep your fingers crossed and get them locks off your soul”
Spring 2026
This is a bit of a foreshadowing section that peers way into the future (7 years to be exact) to share a very pivotal and significant aspect of my journey, one that truly revealed to me the power of music as literal medicine for the soul and an integral part of who I am and what I desire to create in this life.
The Spring season of 2026 (from literal Spring Equinox until Summer Solstice, to the date) was jam packed with heart break, betrayal, so much change and much needed endings that were long overdue… and certain musical artists were able to guide me through this dark and isolating period, which I still don’t quite know how I survived but here I am, tellin the tale. I won’t share too many details about the betrayal and falling outs I had within my inner circle at that time because it feels irrelevant; none of these characters would even enter my frame for another year or so from the standpoint of where we are at in the story. I just want to peek ahead briefly, to share how powerful and sacred music was for me during this life changing, burning-to-the-ground, solitary period of my life that was March-June 2026.
To start; let’s talk about Eric Church again briefly, because that’s where this 2026 story begins. After experiencing the most intense and deeply heart breaking “reality check for my ego” the day of the Spring equinox 2026, it was very clear I was amidst a painful best friendship betrayal, that would lead to a friendship break up I never, ever saw coming or thought would happen in the first place. This best friend was unlike others, and will always share a special place in my heart… but it was toxic in ways, and it was revealed around the Equinox we were not on the same page at all in our intentions for the friendship. The falling out felt like total ego annihilation. I felt completely destroyed as a human being - I had been lied to, my intuition had been denied and fucked with (NEVER fuck with a witch’s intuition… she will never fucking forget it) for months, my heart was played with and misled by my own insecurities and desires for freedom, and it felt like my self esteem, personal goals and overall livelihood was completely shattered. It really was a total ego annihilation, all happening right in the middle of a break up I had been trying to move through for years at that point. It was hell in my universe… but that old version of myself had to go, had to “die” so the real me could be born again, and thats exactly what happened. But I fell deep into the underworld, deep into dark thought patterns, turning on myself, self hatred, confusion, loneliness… and thats when I turned to music.
To start, I dove fully into Eric Church’s music catalog, which I had done only briefly before but felt strongly guided to anchor to his music during these times of turmoil, as his music was there for me many times before, especially in the hospital after my accident. I had been listening to a series of Eric Church songs already that winter, rediscovering his song “Mistress Named Music” and becoming completely obsessed with the intricacies and amazing musical composition of it. This song was on his album “Mr. Misunderstood,” which was named after one of my all time favorite songs by him of the same name. “Mr. Misunderstood” the song and “Mistress Named Music” became part of all my playlists at that time, and some of the songs I listened to daily in the shower, along with a Led Zeppelin song “Down By The Seaside”, a song called “When The Morning Shines” by an Australian band Large Mirage, and a series of other songs that I loved singing and were inspiring to me as well. My daily shower jam sessions carried on after my shower as I got ready, and since I was no longer hanging out with people, my jam sessions never really ended.
I dove deep into Eric Church’s music and anyone who inspired him, because I also became fascinated in the intricacies of his songs (love me some long songs packed full of solos and cool instrumental work) and in his song writing capability as a whole, since I was becoming more and more interested in developing my own singing and songwriting. Months before that time I was dealing with a series of severe health problems with my throat and chest, to the point where I began losing my voice again… but I can truly say music, singing and writing reversed these health problems in a matter of months and awakened aspects of my voice I never knew were possible for me.
Artists like Merle Haggard, JJ Cale, Willie Nelson and other country classics were very inspiring and life changing for me, as I had heard of them before but never actually dove into their music until the Spring of 2026. It was almost like, ok, I spent the entire years of 2024- 2025 listening to nearly all of the Beatles, Pink Floyd, Nirvana, lots of new age music and niche artists like Steely Dan and other “yacht rock” styles, circling back to my roots to listen to my favorite rap, hip hop and some grunge artists all along the way… and it was like I laid a foundation with all these artists, and I was really almost bored of them now, and they reminded me a little too much of my old life… so I dove fully into new inspirations, and they truly activated an entirely new version of me, and entirely new capabilities to match that. It was like I finally found what felt like “my music” again… for years I listened to what my inner circle did, and played what others liked while also enjoying much of this music as well. It was enjoyable music… but once I dove into Eric Church, JJ Cale, Merle and Willie, Creedence and Zeppelin… and THEN when I discovered Audioslave… it was all over. Lol… what I mean is, these musical artists really impacted me a lot at that time. It felt like I was listening to music that was fully, authentically, ME, reminding me of when I discovered Kendrick back in 2017, feeling like he was the first artist I connected with as an individual, not because of someone else.
I like to say it’s almost like I was in “music school” during that Spring 2026... I felt like I was studying under the masters, with my greatest inspirations, spending every second I could listening to music and singing. As I discovered bands like Audioslave and got deeper into Led Zeppelin’s catalog, new octaves of my voice were unlocking, and I could sing in ways I literally never could before… and this was fucking amazing, pardon my french. I thought I was losing my voice permanently, causing so much damage from the shit lifestyle I lived for years, but I was discovering through my musical capability and following my passions that this was not going to be true. I would start coughing in the shower, because that’s when I would really focus my voice and get into it (and my stall shower really feels like a recording booth)… but anyway I would try t0 hit these notes Chris Cornell belts out so powerfully, and I would cough a bit and hear my voice scratching and screeching and stretching and all of a sudden… I could hit the note, I could literally match frequencies I never could before, changing in an instant. It was like oh, ok, I can do that now, neat, cool. It’s hard to describe… all I can say is, it was a little magical. And the musical inspiration and expansion continued outside of the shower… honestly, I was listening to my favorite songs 4, 5 times a day, discovering new songs daily, and expanding my voice and singing capability to newfound heights. I hope to some day write original music with a cool ass band, but we’ll see where the universe takes me…
I fell in love with anything Chris Cornell touched across his entire music career, singing my heart out (sorry neighbors) to a blend of hs solo stuff and Audioslave, Soundgarden, Temple of the Dog (one of my all time favorite projects), bands like Alice in Chains (became a huge fan of Seattle rock and grunge), fell in love with pretty much all of Led Zeppelin’s longer compositions and a hand selected dozen plus songs I just couldn’t get enough of at that time ( I really just love Robert Plant’s voice paired with the FUCKING AMAZING AND MUSICAL GENIUS that is the literal music beneath the vocals)… and then of course there was Merle Haggard’s “Going Where the Lonely Go”, Merle and Willie’s “Pancho and Lefty” album, and of course there were a few Eric Church songs thrown in the mix (I fell in love with his masterpiece Devil, Devil - an 8 minute fucking GEM). Singing these deeply resonant, and highly inspiring songs everyday healed my throat and activated my voice to the point where all I want to do is sing now, and would love any opportunity to do so live. I never would have seen myself in this place, here, now in 2026, not even a few months ago when friends would ask me to sing at their band practice… I was too scared. Too shut down, traumatized and in pain. But music guided me out of this darkness, gave me a new lease on life and helped me remember who the fuck I am. And that’s why I share this - because it’s part of the journey, part of my remembering.
✽✽✽
Thank you for reading these personal shares and special parts of what makes me, me. I share this to inspire you to connect with music and other art forms that speak to the deepest parts of you… that reconnect you with your truest aspects of self, and awaken your connection to your soul and the universe around you. We are all unique, and are drawn to things that reflect the essence of our soul and resonate with the truest parts of our being. If you desire to connect with and understand your truest self, and to embody more of your authenticity, start with music!
What music resonates most with you? What artists feel like soul family, and speak to you on the deepest level? What songs make you laugh, cry, or feel less alone in your life?
And don’t forget that some artists will resonate with us for a season of our lives, and some will resonate more long term. Don’t become overly attached to permanence or finding things that stand the tests of time – instead, focus on finding the things that light you up now, in the present moment, and allow your preferences to change as the moment does. The more you can be open and flexible with what resonates with you, the more you can find the things that resonate so, so deeply in any given moment.
